I want to share a few tips on how to quiet down when no one explains how. One day you may find yourself in a situation where you’re expected to sit quietly. This could happen at a church service or a funeral, a yoga class, Quaker meeting, or another activity where it’s not acceptable to chat or scroll through your phone. I’ve been in this situation many times and often wonder how others might handle it. Are they okay? Are they struggling a bit? Does this come easy to them?
Sitting in silence can be challenging, even nerve-wracking, for a lot of people. It’s unfamiliar territory and can make some people uncomfortable.
One of the challenges is that our minds can be full of repetitive thoughts and sometimes we just don’t want to deal with this. For some people it’s much easier to talk with someone, or do an activity that distracts us from our inner talking and feelings.
Relax Your Body
The first tip is to relax your body. To do so, close your eyes and scan your body for tension from head to toe. Relax any muscle contractions you find. You can start with your head and face, and then work your way down the rest of your body, releasing any tension you feel in your neck, shoulders, chest, arms, hands, stomach, legs, feet, and toes. For instance, I often hold tension in my shoulders, jaw, around my eyes, and even in my toungue! As you do this, notice also that the attention you bring to the parts of your body is energy that was unconsciously dispered into your environment that your now redirecting with your will to your body. With practice, you can do this body scan with your eyes.
This activity alone will help you become more present to yourself and will give you something to do when you find you’re mind wandering. As everyone holds muscle tension habitually, it’s likely that you’ll have to repeat this activity a few times to get the hang of it. Also, as our attention is pulled away by thoughts, or sounds in our external environment, we often resort to habitual body postures in which our muscles contract. The dynamic quality of brining your attention back to your body, and locating and releasing muscle tension, will help you relax and give you something to do if you find the silence in the room unbearable.
Breathe More Deeply from Your Belly, Not Your Chest
The next tip is to breathe more deeply from your belly, not your chest. In modern life, with all of the distractions and stress we face, many people habitually breathe from their chest, and thus don’t get enough oxygen and have elevated blood pressure.
So inhale through your nose and let your abdomen expand slowly in all directions, then slowly exhale through pursed, yet relaxed, lips. If you struggle with this, try inhaling as you count to 3 and imagine your belly expanding like a balloon. Pause for 1 count and exhale slowly counting to 6.
Because your attention will be pulled away from such conscious breathing and relaxation by the mind’s natural tendency to wander, the act of bringing your attention back to your breathing and the sensation of your body will help ground you in the present moment.
Know also that it will take some practice to sit like this easily and confortably without mind chatter. Be easy on yourself and try to relax the best you can. Our thoughts and feelings are simply energy manifesting in the body and we can learn to observe it without interpretation or judgment.
Connect with the Energy Around You
Once you are fully relaxed and grounded in the present moment, another thing you can try is to tune into the energy around you. To do so, try to feel your connection with every person in your environment. This is not a mental activity and I’m not suggesting that you think about your connection to everyone. Rather, actually feel it, as if you’re expaning the energy within yourself to include all other life forms. Close your eyes if it helps make this connection.
Make the Effort, Lose it, and Repeat
Another tip is to continue to reduce your thoughts and feelings to a minimum. When you’re mind begins to wander, bring your attention back to yourself sitting and breathing. Ground yourself in the sensation of your body. Once your attention is pulled elsewhere, you will again lose this connection. That’s okay. Repeat the effort when you remember, or if you’re inner talking becomes unbearable. This dynamic process of alternating between activity and silence/stillness is the natural rhythm of the planet. All life forms are engaged in it. With repeated practice you gain dexterity in reducing the activity within yourself at will and this can become a source of rest, and freedom in the real sense of the word.